Day By Day© by Chris Muir.

Monday, August 08, 2005

Now for something completely different

If you are a cow, or know someone who is, boy have I got a gig for you! If you qualify as one of the lucky residents of The Brown Cow at Hope Acres you will have all the food you can eat, special treats every time you are milked, even a waterbed on which to rest or just contentedly chew your cud. In the middle of the low tech Pennsylvania Dutch you will find a high tech, completely automated dairy farm with all the latest bovine conveniences. A slow-moving contraption automatically cleans up after you. Whenever you are full, you simply wander over to the milking machine and, while you are enjoying your special snack, the machine washes your udders and, with laser-guided precision, gently enpties them of their precious contents. No rough human hands will touch your delicate places. The machine will even test your milk to be sure you are in the peak of health. The only price to pay is you will have to put up with the gawking human tourists who pay good money ($6 each) just to view your luxurious lifestyle. But most of the humans are harmless enough and, for fun, you can always lick the faces of the little ones, just to see their reactions. Yes, life is good at The Brown Cow. Check it out, or have one of your human friends take the tour. Mention to them that, for the price of admission, they also receive a good-sized bowl of some of the best ice cream on earth. They'll never be able to resist that!